Does anybody remember the Sex & the City episode where Samantha is sleeping with a man who has, as she so eloquently puts it, “the funkiest tasting spunk?” Or the scene in There’s Something About Mary where Ben Stiller’s character has his semen dangling from his ear when met to go on a date with Cameron Diaz – who then uses it as hair gel? I also recall a scene in Superbad where one of the characters is dancing with a girl who is menstruating and is completely disgusted when he gets her blood on his pants. There seems to be a bit of a fascination present in popular culture with bodily fluids, and it’s mostly portrayed in a comedic way that sees semen, blood or vaginal fluids as something to be repulsed by.
Without trying to sound too dramatic or serious, I feel that showing bodily fluids as something unnatural to be avoided doesn’t do much good for people when it comes to their sex lives. I feel this because, quite simply, there’s no avoiding some form of bodily fluids in one way or another when being sexual with someone. If having sex is accompanied with something that we have been taught to be disgusted by then whether we are conscious of it or not, there’s a part of us that is disgusted during sex. The same thing can be said for smell as this is something that many people go to extreme measures to attempt to cover up and conceal.
Many of us carry so much shame when it comes to the way we smell and taste. We are sold products that promise to eradicate all our smells and keep us “clean”. From deodorants and perfumes to scented feminine hygiene products & genital cleansers, we are constantly inundated with the message that something about our bodily functions is wrong and to be avoided.
Talking with lots of people over the years all from a range of different backgrounds, I have come to see that many people carry some very negative feelings when it comes to their own or another’s fluids and smells. Many women are disgusted to kiss their partner after he goes down on them, many men claim to avoid kissing their partner if she has taken his cum in her mouth, and almost no one enjoys performing cunnilingus on a menstruating woman. I understand that this aversion may be for legitimate reasons when risk is involved (i.e. sexual health reasons) however with our most intimate partners when safety is guaranteed, I believe that it can be healthy to overcome this aversion.
When it comes down to it, we humans are animals and have instinctual primal tendencies that dictate our sexual behaviours and attractions. Pheromones are chemical messengers that are emitted into the environment from the body where they can then activate specific physiological or behavioural responses in other individuals. Whether we are aware of it or not, these pheromones can be what innately attracts us to our partner so for this reason, I say enjoy the tastes & smells as it can be an incredibly sexy bonding experience.
Just like I would encourage people to become familiar with solo self-pleasuring to get to know their own body before being intimate with someone else, I suggest that people give their own bodily fluids a try. Tasting your cum does not make you “gay” gentlemen (as I have heard many times from many men) and you are not going to be harmed from kissing your partner after he performs cunnilingus on you ladies.
It is an interesting thing to notice how people are often ok for their partners to swallow their cum or lick their pussies yet are not ok with the taste themselves. I recommend looking deeper into these aversions and questioning whether it may be something you wish to overcome because nothing compares to having a partner who loves the way you taste & smell!
I would not be a responsible sexual health educator if I didn’t discuss safety & sexual health in the same article as discussing getting comfortable with bodily fluids so here goes. Sexual health screening is vital to ensure effective treatment and/or reduced rates of transmission of sexually transmitted infections (STI’s) & blood borne viruses (BBV’s). Certain contact with bodily fluids such as semen, vaginal secretions and blood can lead to transmission of some STI’s and BBV’s. Fluid bonding (i.e. sharing bodily fluids) in relationships between people who are known to be STI & BBV free means risks are significantly reduced however it is important to remember that exchanging bodily fluids with someone who’s sexual health status is not known carries risks. Exercise caution and use safe sex prevention such as dams and condoms when sexual health status is unknown. (See below for link to sexual health services).
It is so interesting to see how conditioned us humans have become believing that something about our natural state is dirty. When safety and health are prioritised above all else, I say abandon the belief that our bodily fluids are something to be ashamed of and embrace the magnificence of all that our body emits!