How To Have A Threesome, Foursome or Moresome…

Sexual fantasies involving multiple people are one of the most common fantasies for both men and women. I used to believe that only few people ever ventured into group sex territory and that it was a thing that happened behind closed doors at the end of a dark alley way-guarded by vicious werewolves of course.  I am now a little older and wiser, my mind since expanding as to what is possible when it comes to participating in sexual experiences with multiple people all at the same time. I now realise it can occur in so many different ways and is extremely common. Just to paint a picture of the extent of group sex, here’s a few fun facts:

  • Cuckholding is defined as a man seeing his partner/wife having sex with another man. It is the second most commonly searched heterosexual internet porn category worldwide.
  • An estimated 15 million Americans engaged in swinging in 2011 (That’s 4% of the population!!).
  • In Japan, Bukkake parties, where multiple men masturbate and ejaculate onto a woman, are held regularly, with establishments openly advertising these parties in very public places.

Through my early experiences, I’ve realised that group sex can be challenging to negotiate either as a single person or when in a relationship. It is for this reason I am sharing some advice for group sex newbies and people looking to open to this wonderful and exciting field of possibilities.

Communication

I know, I know, I won’t shut up about communication but the truth is if this is not present then potentially dangerous issues can arise. Communication needs to be open throughout any sexual experience and with more then two people involved, it is especially important that everyone involved feels comfortable communicating. If you can’t communicate with one partner, you’re going to struggle with more so I recommend having this down pat before experimenting with multiple people at once. There are some really important things to discuss prior to engaging in a group sexcapade that will mean a healthy and fulfilling experience.

  • Boundaries: What is not ok, what behaviours are you not willing to engage in, what are your limits? When this information is known, the people you are engaging with can feel more at ease knowing your limits and what is ok to do. Obviously, things can change throughout the experience and it is important that all people involved are empowered to speak up throughout.
  • Desires: Speaking your desires and voicing what turns you on can be a really juicy way of letting everyone involved know how best to pleasure you. It means that you get to receive exactly what turns you on

Sexual Health

I wouldn’t be a very good sex educator if I didn’t put this one in now would I? Taking the right precautions to stay physically healthy is crucial and having more sexual partner’s means you’re at a greater risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections. In order to make sure that you’re safe when engaging in group sex, condoms are a must. This also means using a different condom for each partner. Being aware of your STI status is really important, not only for your own health but for those you are engaging with.

 

Jealousy Is A Normal Experience

Speaking to monogamous friends about polyamory and sex with multiple partners, I hear the same thing “I couldn’t do that, I would get too jealous.” Now maybe I am wrong here but I believe that no matter what kind of relationship you are in or what kind of experiences you partake in, jealousy is probably going to come up! It may be that you’re jealous because your boyfriend has an attractive work friend who he spends time with. Or it could be that you get jealous when you saw your girlfriend having sex with that women at the sex party even though you knew it was going to happen. Often the stories we create to justify why we feel jealous are unfounded however it is a strong experience that can bring up very intense emotions and insecurities which is why people avoid situations where it may be felt. My advice to you is to openly discuss these feelings and fears with your partner/s without projecting it on them or blaming them for your experience. If facing jealousy is completely out of the question then maybe group sex is not your cup of tea. However if you can see it for what it is-an experience that will pass-and you’re prepared to grow through it then group sex may be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

Have Fun!!

I think the main point to remember when participating in group sex is that it should be an overall fun, pleasurable and playful experience that allows you to connect with different people. I understand it is not for everyone but the shame surrounding a desire to participate in group sex is not worth buying into when the desire is coming from a genuine and self-loving intention.

 

Originally published on http://www.adultsmart.com.au -July 2017.

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